Fried, Roasted, Raw…. Or mashed?

The Chronicles of a Lucky Potato with an Unlucky End

I cannot tell you how lucky I was to get away with just these three drastic events in my life, in which I almost got fried, roasted and worst of all – eaten raw/ alive.

I was born and grown like all other potatoes, to be fried to death in hot oil for potato crisps or chips that were eaten by humans. Ugghh, honestly I don’t know what it is with humans and potatoes. So, eventually I found myself in the edge of an assembly line in a potato chips factory. I looked down at the hot oil, boiling like lava that was waiting to sizzle me into crisp. I thought of the happy memories at the potato farm - basking in the sun after a being buried underground and those little earthworm friends of mine, who used to dig tunnels around me, aerating the soil. I closed my

eyes, waiting for the hot, sizzling sensation but nothing happened.

I later realized that the factory had had a short circuit problem and therefore all its machines were disabled for a week. In other words, I was saved! All of us potatoes from the factory were distributed to nearby households so that we would not go waste.

This time, I was sitting on a potato tray in a house. Today was another death day it would seem. The mother of the house was making potato curry, a dish that humans called ‘delicious’ and to us potatoes it meant slaughter. I was picked as the top three potatoes that were going to be roasted. Just as mother was going to cut me up, she exclaimed, “Oh this potato is too small, I’ll get a bigger one.” She dropped me back in the tray, which was fortunately next to an open window. Great chance to get away! But the only problem was that jumping directly would result in a potato mash. So instead, I parkoured across the balcony and the roof below and landed safely. Potato Parkour, awesome eh?

I landed right in front of a cat. A hungry, very skinny, half-mad cat that was waiting to dig its fangs into an equally skinny potato. In a dog-loving apartment, the cat was unwanted and always so starving that it was ready to become vegetarian. Just as the cat caught me, it gave a loud yelp. Another cat was behind it and had bitten cat #1’s tail, sparking a fight. I saw my chance to escape as the cats were busy scratching each other’s faces.

Luck had saved me again. I was saved from death three times and already my overconfidence was growing. This always results in a bad end. In any story.

Just when I though luck would always be on my side, I was stamped to death Mashed… by a slippered human foot.

Almost Fried? Almost roasted? Almost eaten raw? No. Mashed.

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